Spike Lee has a point.

Everybody knows Spike Lee has a mouth on him. He's full of opinions and he isn't shy about expressing them. He has a theory on why actors are usually so messed up. Here's a quote from a recent interview in The Hollywood Reporter.

“You’re out there buck-naked and that is hard," Lee said. "The reason why actors are fucked up; can you imagine having a job where someone is, ‘No, no, no. Your butt’s too big, your head's too big, you’re too skinny, your nose is too big?'”

He's absolutely right about this. I saw the movie Beginners last night and I thought about what Lee said. Everybody in this film looked fantastic.

Forgive me if I give away a few plot points.

Christopher Plummer looked great, even though he was playing an old man in poor health. Ewan McGregor looked great, though his character is depressed. The Jack Russell Terrier Cosmo is a little scruffy compared to Eddie in Frazier, but it is impossible not to adore him.

And then there's Mélanie Laurent, who American audiences might remember best as Shoshonna in Inglourious Basterds. She is beyond adorable in this film. In her first scene, she is supposed to have laryngitis, so it's just close ups of her not speaking. She has stunningly beautiful eyes and a lovely face, every feature is wonderful and the camera loves her.

But consider this picture of her from a red carpet. The haircut isn't flattering. She has two moles, one on her neck and one in the middle of her collarbone. If just one of them is visible, it's not too bad, but if she's on camera and both of them can be seen, it's distracting.

She was terrific in both the movies I've seen her in, but I don't know if she is going to become a big movie star, all over two moles.

Here's a young woman in a different situation. Hope Solo, goalkeeper for the women's U.S. national soccer team, now playing in the World Cup in Germany.

How does she get judged? She gets judged on how many goals she gives up. So far, the United States has won two games by shutout against North Korea and Colombia. So far, Hope Solo is perfect, but every game from now on will be a tougher test, including the final game in the group stage against Sweden.

She was also judged four years ago on her performance as a teammate. She was benched against Brazil in favor of Brianna Scurry and the U.S. lost 4-1. She criticized the coach and she was benched also for the third place game. Obviously, she has returned to the good graces of the team.

And, oh yeah, Hope Solo is a very attractive young woman. Women in sports are obviously being judged on their looks, and sadly there have been some second tier female athletes given ridiculous amounts of attention for their looks in spite their lackluster performances, like Anna Kournikova in tennis and Danica Patrick in auto racing. But the standard for attractiveness for female athletes is not as unforgiving as it is for other entertainers, and more importantly, it isn't the bottom line. She and the other women on the team have chances to get endorsements, but the most important component is to become champions like the previous generation back in the 1990s when the international game began.

Prezzies for everyone, all of them just my size.

Merry Christmas to all my readers.

Of course today, I'm lazy blogging, and regular readers will know what that means.


Melissa Theuriau and her impossibly lovely eyes.


Julie Newmar and her impossibly fantabulous gams, officially measured at ten feet long in my dreamiest dreams.


Indira Varma and her fabulously impossible just about everything.

I got you three prezzies! If you want to return any of them, let me know!

A disturbing realization.

My mom was very pretty. She modeled before she got married. I wish I could find one of the more glamorous pictures of her, but I'm not sure who has one. This picture will do the trick. If you can take your eyes off her very fine stems for a moment, you'll see she had a long elegant nose and high cheekbones. When she was young, people often compared her to Joanne Woodward. Other actresses who look like her include Cloris Leachman, and if we go a generation younger, Meryl Streep.

Mom was pretty. So far, so good.

Consider the women whose pictures I put up when lazy blogging. First among equals is Indira Varma and her nigh perfect collarbone. If our eyes stray upward, we might notice she has a long elegant nose and high cheekbones.

Of course, my mom had a light complexion and blond hair, while Ms. Varma is much darker.

Still. Hmm.

Then we have Julie Newmar. If I put up a picture featuring her spectacular gams, many people might never get around to looking at her face.

Long elegant nose.

High cheekbones.

Pattern emerging.

Melissa Theuriau. There's nobody like Melissa Theuriau. Her eyes are actually gold not brown. I don't think I've ever seen eyes her color anywhere else except on some felines. She is impossibly angelic.

Okay, okay, she has a long elegant nose and high cheekbones.

Hey, Matty Boy? Wasn't The Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman the first time you felt those funny feelings? Allison Hayes was quite the looker, wasn't she? If you can take your eyes off her obvious charms, doesn't she have kind of a long elegant nose and high cheekbones?

Those are many good questions, hypothetical question asker. Let me give them all one well-considered answer.

Shut up.

Interrupting Liberal Victory week to celebrate my dirty old manhood.

More on the victories won by the liberal agenda over the past fifty years tomorrow. Let's instead focus on women with attractive faces and amazingly large breasts.

I knew that would get your attention.

The Huffington Post is absolutely obsessed with Christina Hendricks, the very busty redheaded actress who plays the office manager Joan Holloway Harris on the AMC show Mad Men, but they are not the only website happy to talk about her. Popeater.com ran a poll asking women of they would rather look like Ms. Hendricks or famously thin model Kate Moss, and also asked men who they would rather ogle. While the results are completely non-scientific, women preferred the voluptuary over the mannequin by a ratio of 3 to 1, while men would rather look at Christina instead of Kate by a margin of 5 to 1.

The obvious problem with this poll is the false dichotomy. Ms. Hendricks is naturally busty and weighs a lot more than the average actress today, but she is reality. Kate Moss is also reality, a very thin girl who has nearly no breasts. The choice presented today is between reality and fantasy. The other choice is some woman liposucked to within an inch of her life while she carries five pounds of plastic gel packs on her chest. The silly standard today is the unreality of Playboy models and Carrie Prejean, and I only hope the backlash against them continues.

As for Christina vs. Kate, I find myself in the vast majority. Besides her astounding body, Ms. Hendricks has the face of an angel and a voice that can turn a grown man's knees into melted butter.

I mean this only in the nicest possible way.


It was nearly three years ago I wrote a blog post about Joy Harmon, a 1960s starlet who is the main attraction in Village of the Giants, a movie of deep significance to My People in furtherance of Our Agenda. Ms. Harmon had a facial structure like Julie Christie's, with big beautiful wide set blue eyes and a luscious mouth, but Joy was also one of those big busted blondes in the style of Mamie Van Doren and June Wilkinson. In the dance scene from Village of the Giants, the camera spends a lot of time with her breasts and torso in the middle of the frame, and I have never heard one negative comment from a fan of giant women about the extra pounds she was carrying by today's standards.

I'm glad to see people openly praise Christina Hendricks for standing against the trend of crazy thinness in the entertainment industry today, but she shouldn't be turned into the new standard that must be met. Not one in a hundred women are going to be built like Christina or Joy in their respective primes, and women who aren't so naturally endowed but want to be end up looking like strippers or more specifically, like Pamela Anderson and Heidi Montag. If something positive can happen from this swing back on the pendulum, someone somewhere will remember that our mammalian brains equate a healthy softness in young women with fertility, which is kind of the whole evolutionary point, if memory serves.

Correcting a misconception.

Blog buddy Karen Zipdrive is the dearest friend of my Other Blog. Today, she speculated that I have a crush on an actress that was on a TV show I hated from the 1990's. I won't even name her, though she is mentioned nearly every week in the tabloids. She is very pretty, but she means nothing to me.

Let me repeat. Nothing.

Who am I mad for? I've made no secret of it.


I am mad for Indira Varma. Anyone who has read my blog for any period of time knows this.

My very first blog post, I had nothing to say. I posted a picture of Indira Varma.

Should the day arrive when I stand in front of her, if she should smile, or even grin, and snap her fingers, I would be on my knees.

I'm old. My knees are crap. That doesn't matter.

I'm mad, I tell you. MAD! MAD!!!!!



Then there's Melissa Theuriau.

And her golden eyes.

I know words. I bet I know... like a hundred. Maybe two hundred.

I look in a picture of her eyes... no words.

I know words in French.

Je n'ai pas des paroles.

Je ne sais rien.

I LOOKED IN A PICTURE OF HER EYES!

I'M LOST!

J'AI BESOIN DE L'AIDE!

She's... purdy.


Julie Newmar.

Words. Wuuuuuuuuuurds.

Carpet.

Rug.

T-t-t-towel.

Liiiiip... lipstick!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm... lipstick.

Feet.

Arms.

Akimbo.

Okay, the vocabulary's coming back.

I hope I have made myself clear. That's the list. That's my team on the court, as Gene Hackman said in Hoosiers. If the list jumps up to four, I'll certainly let you know.